Chapter 3: Awe

The Leader always goes back into his Colony for a time once in about the middle of every day. Why?

We each have our own theory. I think he's confluencing with his Colony, to ask how she's doing and learn what she needs next. The Yellow First thinks he's so worried about her that he isn't getting enough sleep during the night, so he's getting some during the day. The Blue First thinks being metal must make his feet hurt from the extra weight, so he's giving them a rest.

At first I was just going to live with just having guesses. But then yesterday happened.

We don't have a word for it. I'm not surprised. No single Colony could face that thing and survive to make a word for it. The only reason we're still here is that we had four Colonies to divide its attention.

That made me wonder: Why have our Colonies not merged? I thought that was something they did when they trusted each other, but they have remained separate all this time.

I asked her last night, and the answer was that the Leader's Colony is not answering. Not even a "wait", just no answer at all. The Yellow and Blue Colonies, I was told this morning, are both waiting for us to go first because we met first. This makes sense for them.

I trust the Leader, but I have too many questions about him. The Yellow First shares these questions, but is too timid to look for answers because he's worried he might not like them. The Blue First also shares these questions, but he doesn't think the answers would change anything and is more interested in the here and now. If we want answers, I have to find them myself. Before something terrible like that shows up again.

So I've decided I'm going to enter the Leader's Colony, and ask her myself. Or at least try.

The problem is that she's so different from our Colonies is that I don't know how to get inside. The Leader gets in and out the same way that she eats food. I don't want to make a mistake and go in as food instead of as a Leader. So I'm going to have to sneak in.

The Leader has dismissed us for his break. I go with the followers for now.

He turns around and steps into the spot.

I hurry forward and stand close behind him.

I feel...strange. There's a lot of funny lights, and where did the ground go, and-

The lights are gone. I'm still right behind the Leader. And...

And it smells weird. I've never thought about how something smells before, but it smells weird in here.

Of course the inside of the Leader's Colony is made of metal and crystal, just like him. That shouldn't be a surprise.

But there's other things too. Things that look hard and solid, but don't shine the same way metal does.

And I can't get over how weird it smel-

LOUD NOISE

LOUD NOISE

LOUD NOISE

FLASHING LIGHTS

WHATS GOING ON

EVERYTHING IS LOUD AND BRIGHT AND PANIC

GET ME OUT OF HERE

WHERES THE EXIT

HELP PANIC WHERE

(((FOLLOW)))

I snap out of it. The Leader called me. That's the most important thing.

Oh. The noise and lights stopped. I didn't notice.

Wait.

The Leader's head is gone.

No, it isn't. Part of it's still there, the inside part with the sand-coloured shapes. But the crystal is gone, and so is his stem and bulb.

Wait no. The crystal and stem and bulb are over there, next to him, sitting on something. Does that-

what is that sound

The Leader made that sound. It has to be. It started when the mouth-like shape on his face started moving, and stopped when it stopped.

I thought I knew what I might find today. I was very wrong.

Our Leader isn't ours. He is, but he isn't. He's more different than any of us could have guessed.

But he's still the Leader. He's helped us grow our numbers. He tries to save us when bad things happen. Without him we'd be lost.

But on the other hand, without him I'd have grown into a Leader myself, as would the other two Firsts. We probably wouldn't be doing as well, but we wouldn't be completely gone.

I don't know how to react. So I do what any follower would do: I just wait for orders.

The Leader keeps making scary noises with his mouth. Is this...his own language? The reason why he doesn't know a lot of our language?

Now he's...opening parts of the walls of...I almost don't want to call this his Colony anymore. She certainly is one, but she looks nothing like one on the inside.

Oh! Nectar! So he does drink it?

He places the blob of nectar on the raised object his crystal is sitting on. He puts something else on it too. It's...round, like an upside-down hill. It's round and light brown and he carried it like there was something important inside.

Now he's doing something with his hand. Kind of in my direction, I guess. And pointing at the nectar.

I'm not sure why he's not just calling me, but I think he's calling me.

There's a smaller object next to the one the nectar is sitting on. I'll have to climb on top of that to reach it. Easy enough.

Normally we leave nectar alone when we have a flower so the buds and leaves can have it, but this feels like a special case. He got it especially for me.

Normally we drink nectar as fast as possible because it tends to be out in the open, unsafe. But here I can go slowly, one bit at a time. It almost tastes better this way.

The Leader is drinking too. Now that I'm higher up, I can see that he's got an orange liquid contained in the round light-brown thing. It's more like orange water than nectar. It doesn't seem very tasty to me.

I think I get it now. The Leader is so different from us that he doesn't eat anything that comes from around here. So when he's hungry, he has to come back inside his Colony for food. I'm not sure how he's so consistently hungry in the middle of the day, but maybe he just needs lots of food each day.

The Leader talks a bit between drinks. It's less scary as I get used to it, but it's still very weird. It's like he has a bunch of different voices - a normal one, a hissing one, a humming one, a buzzing one, a growling one, and more. It must have something to do with how his mouth changes shape so much.

I've never really looked at the Leader before. Apparently he has five fingers. Kind of. That one finger on the inside is bent the wrong way. Maybe the extra fingers are because he has no toes? No that doesn't make any sense.

The nectar is all finished. Now what?

Well, I guess I wait. The inside of this Colony is so different that I'm not touching anything. The Leader will take me outside when he's done.

I don't think I'm even going to try confluencing with the Leader. At least not today. I've had too many surprises already.

The Leader's done. He's putting the empty round thing somewhere else. We can leave now.

Wait, what's he doing?

The Leader has put a very thin sheet of...white wood? on this surface. It's so thin it's floppy.

Now he's...holding a little black stick. And using it to...

Weird.

The Leader has used the black stick to draw a bunch of black lines onto the thin wood. It doesn't look anything like the Colony landing targets that a Leader would draw on the ground. It's not round at all. Well, parts of it are round, but it's not round enough for a Colony to see it.

He's holding the black stick out towards me. I think he wants me to draw. That shouldn't be...

Hm. This is hard actually. I can't grip the stick like the Leader can, he has more fingers. Maybe if I hold it with both hands.

No I still don't have a finger on the other side like he does, it's still slipping out. I'll have to...

This should be good enough. One hand on each side. Hard to aim, but at least I have a grip.

Okay. What kind of design do I want? The Leader's watching so it has to be good.

I'll put a three-side in the middle. A four-side around that. And then a six-side around that, just before the outside circle.

...It's really hard to grip and control the black stick. But it's a bit easier when going slowly.

...

It's done. I put the stick down.

"draw"

It's not very good. The lines aren't straight, the corners aren't sharp. But I think the Leader's smart enough to know why.

He's saying something. He's-

Oh. He's patting me on the head. What does that mean?

Well, I think he's done his break now. He's putting the crystal-head with his bulb back on his sand-colour-head.

I feel like that can't be a bulb. It's gone this long without blooming and glows too brightly. But it's a ball at the top of his stem, I don't know what else to call it.

The Leader is making that hand movement again. To call me without calling me. I get down from the seat and follow him.

I stand next to the Leader as the funny light appears again. I feel the weird feelings, and when it's done, we're back outside. It all feels back to normal.

This was a very weird experience. I hoped to learn more about the Leader, and I did, but not how I expected it. I wonder what the other Firsts will think of it.

Even mealtimes are eventful here.

Today when retreating into the Dolphin for lunch, I discovered a Pikmin had snuck in behind me. Unfortunately, I found out by means of the gas alarm, which must've terrified it. Luckily, it turns out a single Pikmin doesn't produce enough oxygen to be dangerous. So all I had to do was raise the alarm's baseline a bit, and it shut off.

The Pikmin seemed paralysed with fear even after I called it out of its panic, and I can't blame it. I imagine the inside of a ship is as different from the outdoors as possible. I offered some of the nectar I'd been saving to take home, which did well for it. It didn't seem too interested in my soup. Considering the Onion eats anything presented to it, I was starting to wonder if Pikmin would drink anything that looks like nectar. Thankfully this is not the case. I'd hate for this to become a cafeteria.

The true surprise came after. Seeing the Pikmin sat at the table, sharing a meal with me, made me wistful. It's been some years since I would draw at the table and allow my son to finish it. Yet here, on a toxic planet seeking to stymie me, I found myself returning to this habit without even thinking. I jotted down a sketchy self-portrait, just as I appeared now, and handed over the pen for the work to be completed.

And what a work it is. I'm not sure the Pikmin recognised that I had drawn myself, but it followed up with a design of four concentric shapes, wobbly but distinct. I had been wondering about the shapes on the ground that the Onions land on - now, I believe they were drawn by Pikmin of the past, marking known safe landing sites for their fellows and descendants.

It clearly had trouble controlling the pen and had to adopt a strange grip. I'm surprised it did as well as it did, given its instinct is probably based on drawing large shapes on the ground with its full hands.

It makes me feel so much worse about the dozens that die every day.